“Please do not touch”…

… it said. It was prominent and clearly written, by what appeared to be a friendly and creative hand. It didn’t leave me feeling like it was frowning sternly over its reading glasses at me. Nor was it belligerently ‘scruffing’ me in some smelly corner somewhere – just itching for a fight! As far as sign’s went, it appeared to be emitting all the appropriate ‘warm and fuzzies’ it could muster, after all – it was only a sign right? It seemed nice, and warm, and welcome – just “don’t touch” is all it appeared to ask.

I walked into a bed selling shop front a few weeks ago, and as the glass doors slid open – a vista appeared before me. Standing at least four and a half feet tall (that’s just over 120 cm for all you metric kiddies out there) was an old style, three master sailing ship.

She appeared to me, to be a model of the Duyfken – and was at least four foot wide and a foot or so deep. She sat on a cradle, and was supported on a sturdy table, at around knee height. There was no rope, no line and no glass case! There was no security presence out to stop me drooling over it at all – no direct intervention of any sort to stop me fondling it some. Just the imminent temptation and that damnable bloody sign trying to keep my want to play in check!

I mean – man… this model had ‘bits’! Real sailor type bits – sheets and sails and belaying pins, blocks and tackle and spars, and… gee – man did IT have some BITS! If you weren’t ‘salty’ enough beforehand to appreciate such a wonder – you’d be developing that sun-dried-salt-on-your-skin itch right about now, just simply gazing upon her. She was an absolute beauty! I wanted to clamber aboard her right there and then, and sail her about the nearest bit of water I could find – such was the allure of her. Talk about an eye-catcher.

Sad to say – the Bunnings Store across the road could have been giving away electrical tools by the bucketload and I wouldn’t have noticed – such was the allure of her!

It got me thinking some.

That bloody sign was all wrong!

I mean for gawds sake – it’s a ‘toy’ screaming to be played with! It wants pulling down, pulling apart, sorting out, frigging about – it needs to be ripped off that bloody stand it’s on and it NEEDS to have several of your mates around you, reaching over your shoulder and vying for their turn too!

What’s with this bed shop owner? Who puts a bloody great model like THAT out the front of a bed shop, screaming ‘COME PLAY WITH ME’ like that? What cruel git uses such a focal point to lure them into their shop? It’s a bed store for gawds sake! What could it remotely have to do with model ships as cool as this one?

Kids and lollies (candy) springs to mind right about now. Those bloody shopping checkouts – where you line-up to pay for your goodies and right there – right their in reach – is all the brightly wrapped foil and plastic ‘treats’ you could almost imagine – tempting those little kidlets fingers of theirs, daring them to reach out and grab the nearest one. All of it at child eye height, all of it forcing a parent to react:


Put it back NOW!”

“I. SAID. NO!”

I could just imagine the XO saying all those things to me and more – in a sad attempt to draw me away from the ship and failing. If the XO had of been present I think I would have been there with one foot in the thing, trying to lift the other one as well! It’s almost as if I simply wouldn’t have had to have been the responsible one – if she had’ve been around.

I don’t know about you but sheesh – there was this tiny (VERY tiny) part of me that simply wanted to push the damn thing over – just to see what happens – in one of those if-I-can’t-play-with-it-nor-will-you moods! I would have cried (just from the smacking the XO would’ve given me) – it’s true – but for the life of me I just couldn’t make out the meaning of such a thing sitting there; looking lonely without its water!

I wondered then what I must have looked like? Me – gawking at it – jaw somewhere between my ankles, eye’s filled with wonder and longing. I did a quick double-take of my surroundings, looking madly about for a security camera – swearing at whomever the buggers in the back room might be, getting a hell of a kick out of all the tall ship admirers who came strolling through that door.

I wonder how many bed sales they’ve made as a result – because I sure as buggery didn’t buy a thing – I completely forgot what I was there for!

Serve the buggers right…

Belongum – Out!

About Belongum

People bring 'things' to me. Not necessarily PHYSICAL things as such - mostly just the loose bits and pieces floating around in their 'brain-box'. Sometimes, they also bring themselves - and THAT isn't anywhere near as simple as it sounds. I come here to pass some of this 'brain-box business' on to the ether world, and to empty my head. Besides folks - I love a good yarn - so come and join me!
This entry was posted in Australia, bulldust, do not touch, people, rediculous, temptation. Bookmark the permalink.

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