…frigging frogs. They are bloody EVERYWHERE! It’s been a wet year for Meekatharra – largely due to a generous cyclone or two early in the piece, and many thunderstorms in-between. With the wet – comes the frogs. People that live in those wonderfully tropical areas of the world will know exactly what I’m talking about – there isn’t a nook or cranny (other then your oven perhaps) that these little fellas won’t visit. The little buggers are all OVER the place!
Stroll out to the toilet at night and SCHLICK – you take your life into your own hands – skidding off one of the offending little critters and banging into the wall – in a freaky attempt to avoid the squishy little thing you stepped onto in the first place. In fact, it’s more reminiscent of something you’ve stepped into, and your primal mind recoils as soon as the cold, wet, slick sensation, registers slowly inside your sleep fuddled brainbox. At 2am in the morning – feeling like you’ve just stepped upon your dog’s cold wet nose – does nothing to help with the reason your on your way to the toilet in the first place!
Don’t get me started on the whole toilet issue. I mean – where else in YOUR house would you find a permanent ‘pool’ on standby at all times, for our little amphibian friends? The damn toilet presents me with more moral dilemmas then I can poke a stick at. My mum always taught me to be a polite and considerate member of our society. She made sure I understood that I was never to be deliberatly cruel to animals too. THAT was left to the naughty children out there. So here I find myself – toilet lid up – all prepared to do my business and looking down the ‘barrel’ at four or more little faces, all of which are now looking up at me!
What’s a bloke to do? I don’t WANT to whiz on them… it would go against all my mother hard worn beatings… I mean – training. She wouldn’t want me seeking any sport in such a manner as this. She’d be disgusted in me if I sought to pee on frogs for fun and she’d have words to say, really unpleasant words and I sure as hell don’t need that – I can tell you! So I aim off to the side, trying to be considerate and trying not to think of the little buggers you might have picked up and moved earlier in the day when you’ve come across them – remembering this very same dilemma – LAST night! The chances are, you’ve just finished relocating frogs that have been frog-kicking all around your dunny bowl! Osmosis is a simple process and frogs are highly prone to it. Whatever liquid that might have been on the outside of that frog last night, was more then likely absorbed into the dirty little critter as well. Frogs also need moisture to keep their skin form drying out. You do the math. All in all it’s best not to think on it, and concentrate on the business at hand. If you can.
And the damn little buggers won’t stay still. I mean – It’s completely understandable – would YOU stand still and wait for someone to pee on you? You’re trying to do them a service here, the idea is to miss them well, so you get to have guiltless nights sleep. You do NOT want to be having nightmares of your mother looking over your shoulder and shaking her head dispondently at you. I have trouble enough getting to sleep by myself at night thanks, I sure as hell don’t need that image bouncing around in my brainbox too.
To add insult to injury, one of their mates might suddenly decide to join them. It clambers up the side of the bowl, suddenly see’s YOU there (business at hand so to speak) and in a mad panic it dives headlong into the bowl! Now this bowl isn’t made for diving; it can handle flushing fine, but deliberate diving (or bombies) are simply NOT allowed and sure enough the resultant SPLASH leaves you wet down your leg, just like you didn’t make it to the toilet in the first place.
A species of tree frog it’s likely to be, one of them little Litoria fellas, although I must admit I can’t remember which. Frog’s are said to be a good indicators of environmental impact and damage upon an ecosystem. Where there are plenty of frogs, there is a healthy ecosystem. I’m sorry, but I look down my toilet bowl and wonder how THAT could be healthy for ANY blooming critter. Honestly, they do us great favours by sticking it to the nuisance insect population at times, but do they REALLY need to frequent our loos and kitchen spaces (and that’s a whole other rant entirely)? Can’t we put up signs? NO GO zones for our little amphibious mates, so I don’t have to mentally connect the dots on their habits and come up with a picture of a wet toilet bowl in their travels.
Sighhhhh… perhaps it’s time to take my business outside. Invest in a lemon tree, build my own compost heap – you know – find other creative ways to divest my body of all this useless nitrogen and liquid waste that appears to be clogging up my system. At least a lemon tree would be happy with my frequent nightly visits and a compost pile would shake my hand and thank me if it could. These bloody frogs though – they’re a bloody nuisance – because sure as be damned, the first few steps I take outside would find one of my feet placed on the back of one of these little buggers, and this now ANGRY frog would be outside, with all of it’s mates. Step on one of them and the others will come. If my reaction at 2am in the morning discovering just one of these little buggers by accident isn’t a pleasant experience for me – why in hell would I want to mobbed by dozens of the little mongrels?!
You’d hear me where ever you are… I can promise you of that, the resultant scream would cost my neighbours and I, all our glass windows!
SHUDDER… I should just wet the bloody bed and wait for summer!
Belongum – Out!